Are you more exhausted from all the “extra help” with family chores? You’re missing 3 crucial steps that will lead to a cooperative, peaceful chore time.
Confused about “the chores thing”? You tried a chore chart and…it didn’t quite make it past a week.
There was arguing. Complaining. Chasing everyone around to keep them on task.
You’ve had the thought working together seems more trouble than it’s worth.
How is it that you’re more tired with all the extra help?!
Well, I’ve got to tell you a secret: most people go about family housework the wrong way.
This post will share 3 easy steps you can implement now to stop that whining and get the help you need.
What’s the biggest cause of whining?
Frustrating, isn’t it? What’s the secret to stopping the whining before it starts?
You’ve got to balance the (justifiably) overwhelmed parents’ needs with the kid’s abilities.
We’ll dig deeper into this diagram throughout the post. The challenges come when one group is taking up all the focus. I’ve gone to both extremes when I was first starting out, and I’m sure you could hear the chaos across the country.
I couldn’t keep up with the demands of housework and caring for the family. I was so desperate to have help, any help, that I neglected proper training, transitions, and getting a routine in place …
…which of course resulted in frustration for me and anxiety (read: meltdowns) for the kids.
On the flip side, I would also second-guess if I were being too hard on the kids. Was laundry too advanced for my younger ones? This led to a lack of routine, which led to more complaining when I did ask for help.
Chores didn’t last long in our home until I was able to sit down and make a STRATEGY first.
A successful chore time needs to be a habit, which means it can’t be learned overnight. This needs to be a mindset, a service to each other that is nurtured.
Let’s dive in (oh my gosh, too much Paw Patrol in my house, can you tell?!) to the 3 steps you need to take to get there.
step 1. how to get the help with chores (but avoid whining)
Moms have a lot on their plate. It’s hard to find time to just be with your kids, and that hurts your motherly heart, doesn’t it?
You have every right to ask for help in the home. Families are meant to be a team. You should not have to do all the work every day.
At the same time, if you suddenly heap some of your load onto the kids, your ears will start ringing a LOT. So you need to start slowly and start strategically.
Start with one chore at a time.
Painfully slow for you, I know, but trust me, you’ve got to break them in gently for this to become a habit.
WHICH CHORES DO YOU START WITH?
Prioritize which housework needs to get off your list right now.
What gets you anxious or frustrated? Is there something you dread when you open your eyes in the morning?
That’s what you can start with.
Maybe it’s snack time when the kids come home from school. Laundry. Dishes after supper?
Before you know it, your day will have significant chunks of free time because of the teamwork that has developed. Everyone’s happy because you now have more energy to spend with the family at the end of the day.
So start thinking about your top 3 chores you need off your list to increase your joy. Plan them into the next month or two and enjoy the extra time and energy you’ve brought into your day!
step 2. stop whining by knowing your kid’s limits
One of the most important things you can do to reduce the fighting and whining at chore time is to properly prepare your kids.
Let’s set them up for success by making chores kid-friendly.
how to teach a child a new task
I’m a bit of a broken record, but one of my favourite psychology methods explains this so well: Vygotsky’s scaffolding. You can check out an introductory video on it here.
Kids master a new task faster when the very first attempts are paired with modelling, visual aids, and adult interaction before independence.
The best way to teach is when you follow this order:
- The child watches you do the task yourself. You can take this time to explain the steps you take, they can ask questions to clarify.
- The child does the task as you watch and offer visual and verbal aid.
- The child can do all the steps independently.
I can’t give you an estimated time to progress through each step: each child is unique. I’ve got kids who grasp the concept in one go and others with special needs that won’t be able to pass step 2.
But even if you’re at the beginning steps, it still takes a load off when you’ve got help for the physical job itself.
Another note: don’t forget to break down the task as much as possible. There’s a reason “clean your room” brings on the meltdowns. That’s such an overwhelming, confusing request.
However, if you’ve taken the time to explain (or have a visual checklist like my Editable Chore Checklists & Routine here) so your kids know what the steps are to finish cleaning your room, you’re golden.
making a home assessment
Following those lines, you’ll also benefit from analyzing your family spaces the kids will be working in. Is your kitchen kid-friendly? Can they easily reach their dishes?
What about their bedrooms? Does everything have a home? Can they reach their clothing for laundry days?
The less “work” kids have to do to actually get their chores done, the better for their peace of mind.
working with (and not against) your kids’ personalities
Lastly, you’ve got to understand your kids’ personalities when it comes to working.
Do they need it to be a game and be surrounded by people? Are they worriers and need very clear steps and expectations laid out for them to feel like they can handle it?
Wondering what type your child is (and what a practical, easy way to handle it?
You’re going to want to head over to my Chore Personality Quiz and tipsheets – I’ve broken down these personalities into 4 different types with strategies on how to motivate them individually. Win!
step 3. stick to your guns
more consistency, less whining and meltdowns
First and foremost, you’ll need clear expectations of what a “good finished job” means to you.
There should be no surprises or new steps after the first few demonstrations.
Just pick one chore with its steps and implement it every day.
what to do when kids push back during chores
You’ll also need to have clear, pre-determined discipline (not punishment) for when a job is refused or obviously not done well.
Punishment causes resentment; discipline teaches there’s a better choice next time.
Here’s an example:
A simple discipline for a poorly done job is to have the child redo it while the rest of us start an enjoyable activity. This activity is announced before we start chores, so they are not surprised by what feels like a rigged punishment. They can join us as soon as it’s done well. If they have a problem with that, we review how their choice led to having to redo it, and what they can do next time to avoid this.
are you too strict?
A last point I’d like to make is to balance consistency and flexibility.
Your kids need consistency in the home to feel safe and confident. “If I do ____, _____ will happen” gives them stability and boundaries which are so healthy for a growing child.
But make sure consistency doesn’t turn into a dictatorship control. There are times when we can serve our children to build up the cooperative, loving atmosphere in our home too.
When it’s a birthday, we skip chores – the world keeps on turning.
When your child needs some one-on-one, do the chore with them.
If their love language is acts of service, do a quiet act of love for them. They’ll find a way to say “I love you, Mom” the next day with a chore, don’t you worry.
Chores are a beautiful way to deepen your family’s relationship. They don’t have to be “work”, they should be a way to serve each other in your peaceful, cooperative home. Where to start? Download the Chore Startup Pack to stop the whining and get more help today!
read more:
- How a chore chart can lead to many life skills for your child
- 9 crucial benefits of doing chores for kids and you!
- How these tips & tricks save me hours of housework.
- Instantly save your family chore time by avoiding these 5 mistakes
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